rodent in backyard
had gotten home from work
flipped the back porch lite on
to let senile dog out to shit
needed a dam drink
but saw this strange rat looking weathered creature
about the size of a cat
up on the back porch table.. caught in the lights-
eating the cats food
what the fuk is that....
diseased ridden possum rodent
I thought
slithering rat looking mutant only comes out at night troll
staring directly at me
i wadded up a newspaper
that one of the cats had pissed on earlier
and threw it at the things head
trying to scare it off
it just sat frozen, staring at me,
it started panting like a rabid dog
as I walked up closer to it
to get a real good look at its eyes
two driblets of drool dripped
down it's free food grubbin strange huff puff noise it was now making
it was making this heavy breathing noise
almost like a cat in heat
almost a hissing pant
I stared at it more
this disgusting beautiful creature
of the night
i grabbed my cheap camera
from krogers
turned the flash on
took two pictures of it
getting close as I could without it attacking me
I chucked the hose at it, standing far away from it
Trying to swat it in the head
It hissed and drooled more
then jumped off the deck
scurrying away into the dark
Back to it's troll den
the dog noticed it, and made a half limp reject effort to catch it
i got the dog in, made my drink-
and wondered if the pics would turn out
after havin several more-
i'm eating gummie bears
i hear they are made from horse hoofs
but they still taste good
late at night
like that creatures full cat food gut
like nights alone
like holidays off
i squashed a scorpion walking up the stairs
it was as well- caught in the lights
making its way under my door-
up the garage steps-
squished it's brains out on the carpet stairs-
with its bug like antlers stingers
twitching in its heated texas death dance
of wiggly worm shit-
i pictured that rat possum thing
giving birth to the scorpions i have to kill-
like who fuking cares
CREATURE
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crapola dream
i was in a wheel chair
with a large crowd of people shoving up against me
an old man with a long white beard
started shoving himself against my arm
with a perverted look on his face
"stop! help!" i screamed
when the crowd broke up,and i could wheel around-
he had left a gooey substance to dry on my shirt sleeve-
all these rent a cop's came around
and i told them what the man looked like
so they could capture him
my legs were broken
i was then driving along a freeway
with wooden legs and noodled arms
in a very fast sports car
with the ocean on either side of me
the sound of waves splashing over the top of car
driving drunk and swerving
suddenly the road ends
and i find myself running over tomb stones
in a perfectly structured graveyard
white linen strolled along
pathway broken from red hanging
insides to dead end phone lines
mumbling outside swiveled hips with razor bladed
circular saws protruding around in motions of speed zipped
fleshy screams towards poppin pill jars wiped out
wave sanded all out of cash filled in purple heat
storms sliding upwards from illusion
glued paper head cut sun eater- strikes match memory porker stuffed
blackened lung lamps levitating horses sleep in stolen guitars with 12 stringed
wings
swiping through smog severed air chokes-
narcotic neal never needed needles knowing nothing now nasty nods no no..
strawberries burnt in toaster so turtle grew goats for corn fried ball scratch
digging down through molded soiled visa versa tuff meat bite veins pump sore
melons raining with green follow
trucks along freeway to exit fires with
hose nozzled spray pump shoot knocking kids off bicycles
so to fly in parks peopled faces
hate love in hog breaths mouth slop -sleeping go away-
chimes of every waxed ready
to go camper family down broken battery in on the out train-
when everyone is gone
all you have left are voices
from memories attached former
smiles that eat away inside dreams spiral
like pictures former pricks
& pokes & boredom through days
for just a small taste
with motel burnt tadpoles models
roomed wings on full tanks
gasoline's- locks lingering in to what
once was no more- when pesty
people
like one's self becomes aches
in blood rained clocks
dripping down
avenues leading to your own shadow-
can you stop
reach out to feel a ghost's cloned echo like a baby's first cry-
the wind and sun and water, footsteps, maps,
listerine lapped scrapes along edges eternal ceilings being built from stems
once golden,
arches once humming in bliss rocketed screams-
going through motions- wanting, needing,
knowing it's you who stares
backwards into paths built of two
way one ways as the signal of mortality
crumbles
these blistering answering machines
that point pointless half soaked salted soda's simmering
soundless
in greenish blue oceans with sparrows on top seagulls pecking
at jumping fish with rotted heads on a Malibu burnt sun-
overcastted line snaps back
to take a little chunk of one's peace -
to take a little moment and make it one's own-
a truly crimeless time to have compulsions to want to exit
this and that and then and what you have become-these non existent smirks
dried up rain coats strung
on treetops fluttering semi conscious
help win whatever
the need seems to breath- justifications lounge
like 1930's street men, slapping cotton banjos- dusted- delusional-
dreamt kangaroos dipped in
hilltops chocolate heaven factories
so sushi lemony no bones
melt on over sanded tongue ripples
with kites hovering towards a purple red orange sun rise
in this wobbly drought to want to exist
when reflections swagger
when time becomes nil
when sounds are overplayed
when rings around rolls around circles around wrongs
what is one to do
what is one to do
where is one to go
where is to one go
when stomach creaks groan
advocations
in vacations
along shores
of surely mis perceived
emotions
wrangled all up
into blue blood browned nooses
loosely placed around
vibrating neck's
braced trampoline
plans bounce
dangling promises
never played out
own nothing
own nothing
own nothing
cramped up
inside a frozen wall
you wiggle through
sleepless timebelts
staring upwards
punching your own skull
without any eyes
i'm made of metal plates
i'm made of 206 bones
arteries like aborted
coat hangers
i'm made of pins
i'm made of needles
legs like openly
stoned virgins
i'm made of putty
i'm made of clay
veins sprouting out tonsils
tripled visions
i'm made of dog shit
i'm made of clouds
you eat beans
hoping seeds will sprout
you swallow life
hoping things never die
you chew marbles
wanting cracked teeth to heal
you shit diamond eggs
thinking no one notices
you grind funny bones
hoping it all digests
you set up pez dispensers
pretending its company
the white van pulled up
the white van pulled up
I was hungry, stoned, putting fiction books into crammed shelves
About two hours into my shift
All the vicodins were gone- I had eaten the day before
6 in one long/ short/ magical wonderful day..
15 don’t last long, like a kid in a candy store with enough $ for 15 candy bars..
eat quickly, try not and look backwards..
So it was just a tummy full of water and st johns wort
Few kind bud hits and energy drinks..
I didn’t see the white van pull up
But I saw janet, sitting in the middle table
Big wooden middle table in middle of bright bookstore..
her name is janet,
She is insane they say- lady maybe late 40’s, 50’s?)
who comes with the rest of the crazies from the white van
They are from mhmr ( mental health mental retardation)
They invade the bookstore I work in
About 2 or three times a week
There is like 15 of them
The white van is large, they all line up-
For the free coffee- it’s really weird- we always run out of coffee
Like a 2002 version of clockwork orange meets one flew over the koo koo’s nest
I like it though, they make for good entertainment from the mundane fuks
I work with, the un original
customers that splatter the scenery with their greedy
credit card right winged bible thumpin eyes-
anyways, I walk up to janet, a fat obese lady who wares salvation army clothes that are to small, and has this wild hair jettin in all sorts of directions,
like some butcher cut Janis Joplin-
she likes to call me Charlie, she has some fetish with Charlie manson and the helter skelter book.
“how are u today Charlie? U cut your hair for the cause?”
she asks..gigglin
“yeah.. it sure is hot and sweaty in texas.” I respond
she laughs this crazy janet laugh
and I start putting books away again
I hear her say, “ mr. mr. mr. mr.. come here. Mr.. come here..”
So I walk over to her
And she looks crazier then ever
“do u like black people?” she asks, very loud.. with a dead serious look on her face
she comes with tons of black crazy people as well in the white van-
Oh yeah,
she is white, she reads helter skelter-I get it-
“sure I do, why not?”
I ask
She goes into this crazy weird laugh she always does.
I stare at her, smiling.
Her fat gut hangs out of her small clothes
Her mustard stained sweats
Her sloppy crazily placed lipstick smears
She laughs that crazy laugh, making me a tad uncomfortable
As I put more books away
I stop for a minute and stare at her again,
something about her eyes man, just something..i dig..
then
A Christian employee perfect college no problems graduate girl went to school
gonna get married snob romance reading girl love my fukin parents walks by janet
We both stare at her
“I don’t like women, they make my bowels want to explode”
janet says
I try and keep myself from laughing
Janet laughs.. drool slobbering down her thorazine lips..
“I got problems with my bowels, my stomach always hurts” she says..
The girl she was talking about, a new girl, I don’t know, gives me some paranoid look,
I explain to her later about the white van, and she just looks more worried,
People truly do fukin suk most of the time, go ask alice,
So anyway, all the fuking brilliant crazies are invading the store
This one black guy just walks around laughing all the time
Talking about Donald duck
And how he hasn’t had a drink in 3 years
And he always has this weird moldy old aa blue book in his back pocket
That he always thinks that I think he’s stealing it
So he pulls it out all the time
And tells me he isn’t stealing it
Like I would even care
I see little mutant freaks steal from the store every day I work-
And I don’t care- it’s not my job to work security-
So this really tall skinny black man
Who might be Janet’s boyfriend
Keeps talking to me
In this weird 70’s pimp black man voice
“I aint never seen no alligators, motha fukin Donald duk, u think Mickey would
know? Ha, what that gonna be with war.. like Disney land .. ha.. aint that a
bitch.. yeah, donald duck didn’t ever give anything out to them..?/’ he tells
me..
we both start crackin up laughing, I couldn’t help myself.. in a strange way I
under stood what he was talking about.. it was like a poem u read. U sort of
get it.. but even if u don’t at times.. u still sort of like the
vibe from the words. its all about a smile sometimes..
other crazies walk around with that distant stare in them eyes
in strange clothes, they smell too, really bad smells
I like them, I want to work with them,
on my days off, second job for evaluations for lit characters-
maybe get job application at mhmr
the person, their leader that drove them all on their field trip..
says..
“time to go”
they all walk towards the door. Janet turns around..
“bye Charlie”
she grins at me
“goodbye janet” I say , standing at cash register-
she turns around
with a glow in her eyes, as if she is amazed I know her name..
“I got a man, your daddy!”
she yells
laughing as she walks out
I see the skinny black man with the donald duck infatuation take her hand
Two with coffee in hands
Walking across the street together
Heading towards the white van
Other white van people
Come out of the shadows
Limping, twitchin, staring up at the sky..
Smoking.. in some other world id like to be in-
It was time for them to go.. what wonderful people
Truly beautiful people to be around
another guy I work with heard it to
the Janet comment
we both couldn’t stop laughing
as they left
with worried customers looking over
I stare out the window of the texas bookstore
Pumping on the empty coffee
And I tell the girls I work with
I got a new girlfriend from mhmr.
They all laugh at me
And one says
“even the retards reject u!”
they all laugh at me, I put away books, and wonder why people are so ignorant
to things that are interesting for a change..
I need a second job
I picture myself changing Janet’s diapers late at night
As she tells me of helter skelter
Laugh all u want
Sometimes nothing is funny
But your own expression
Jellygun joins a gym
i figure if I’m going to drink almost a fifth a day or night
& vomit bile every morning, and never get any real rest-
& chain smoke till all the smokes are gone
then I probably wont make it to 35,
considering this has bin my life style mostly
since I was about 16, my body needs a rest from it,
i figure if I’m going to feel sick all the time
then I might as well feel sick from trying to exercise
so tonight after work, I joined a gym, a golds gym,
i had to go over all the payment plans, and such, with
this hard body buff 40 something trainer guy…
“hi mr jellygun! My names bob burley beefcake boy”
he said, crushing my hand with his power handshake..
he asked me questions like
“when was the last time u exercised?”
“back in 97 I think, when I took the fire academy”
“how do u feel about your body and life right now today mr jellygun?”
“crappy, a little bit poopy, sleepy”
then blah blah blah, ha ha ha,
“we’ll fix u right up”
paid my money, the beefcake fuker didn’t even give me a tour,
or show me how all the strange foreign machines worked,
i got on one of those tread mills, and started pushing buttons, feeling really out of place,
with my high top converse on, there were all these TVs in front of us,
after a while, I figured out how to start walking real fast on this thing,
i was fitting right in now, I even started moving my arms real quick,
like them weird people u see walking all fast some times in rich neighborhoods,
i pushed the speed buttons higher,
and started jogging on it, my eye on the stop button,
just in case,
after about 10 minutes,
i felt like I needed to vomit,
i wondered why they don’t keep puke buckets next to the treadmills.
but I continued to push it, and ran , and stared at the TVs,
& stared at this woman’s ass on a stair climber type thing in front of me,
her ass looked like a big sack of wet laundry
the guy next to me, some big beefcake burley guy,
started trying to talk to me about some sports thing on TV,
“how bout them rangers, they just aint doing it this year?”
he said, looking over at me
I don’t know anything about sports, what the fuks a ranger,
I assumed it was baseball, cause one of the tvs showed some baseball players..
“hell yeah, I hear that! “ I shot back, not knowing what the fuk I was talking about,
i really started feeling like I was going to pass out or vomit at any second,
so I hit the stop button on that horrible contraption,
i sort of wobbled off, pretending like I was feeling just fine,
i walked over to some of the strange weight contraptions,
and tried to read the instruction panels pasted on the sides of them
but just got frustrated with some of them
it all looked very painful, but I’m quite accustomed to pain in one fashion or another,
i figured out how a few of them worked, some were kinda cool,
they had mirrors everywhere, so u could see the sick expression on your face,
as u made your body do things it never wanted to do,
I was using this one machine with my arms,
when I heard this guy making these great big moaning painful shit taking sounds-
I looked over to see this guy with legs the size of my entire body
but made of all muscle,
he had like a zillion pounds
on some strange thing, and was pushing them up with his legs,
making this horrible sound,
other guys who weren’t as strong as him, all gathered around and watched him,
why is he making those sick sounding I’m taking a huge painful dump sounds? I
thought to myself- freaks, bunch of fuking freaks, what the hell am I doing here? I thought,
i wonder if it’s to late to get a refund…?
fuk it, I just ignored everyone, and found a jumprope,
and started trying to jump rope , staring at myself in the mirror,
after about four successful skip jumps, the dam rope got caught on my left sneaker,
& I fell on my face, but they have these soft mats and stuff, I felt stupid, and sicker,
I saw a couple of Mongoloid muscle men laughing at me,
fuk them, I paid my money, I can do this dumb shit too, just may take a while..
i noticed a couple pretty cute girls staring at me, as I grabbed these 10-pound dumb bells,
and started huffing and puffing, lifting them several times, pretending to act cool..
wiping the sweat off my face
with some dirty shirt I pulled out of my closet before leaving..
I was a real macho man now, I was gonna live past 35,
I was gonna get the blood flowing to brain again…
ugh, I got on this machine and started doing these weird stomach squats,
it felt sort of cool, just exploring this weird place, trying to ignore people,
I still felt like if I didn’t leave soon I would puke at any moment,,
i lifted and benched some free weights, but my arms were shaking so bad, I felt silly,
i wandered into the men’s locker room shower area,
nobody was in there but me, I sort of lifted my shirt up,
to see if I looked any bigger, but I didn’t,
i flexed my non existent muscles, and went ..” hurrr, baaarrrgghh, burr, “
some dude walked in and saw me, I quickly left that area..
its gonna take a while, but its something to do other then be bored bile boy-
I chain smoked cigs on the drive home, having weird stomach problems,
like I needed to shit real bad or hurl, hmm..
my eyes felt all blurry too, weird things going on in my body..
but I felt sort of happy for a change, I had all these ideas running through my head..
i may have over did it, got to take that shit slow man..
i’m going to be so sore at work, but at least I’m so ready for bed now,
at a decent hour, I still can’t stop hearing that sick noise that man made,
it was like he was having a birth of twins coming out his anal,
but whatever, least I got out of the troll hole-
i haven’t puked yet- but am still trying to recover-
i still may get a refund tho, or start going every day,
new addictions can be ok- maybe-
i never know what I want
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