THE FOCUS GROUP
©2002 Marc Ellis
Set: A dog cage in an abandoned kennel. Outside the cage is a sign. It reads:
“Opinion Research Center”
Characters:
Three characters will occupy the cage.
Man: A middle-aged American man.
Woman: An older or middle-aged American woman. She knits.
Kid: A young male. College age.
There are two lab assistants who come and go.
Assistant A: (Generic casting.)
Assistant B: (Generic casting).
As the play begins, ‘woman’ is seated in the cage, knitting. ‘Kid’ is slumped
against the cage, seated on the floor. ‘Man’ is being led to the cage by assistant
‘A’.
Man/Assistant A (Enter)
Assistant A
Please excuse our modest waiting room sir. But as you can see, we’ve been
remodeling. It will be much nicer next year when we’re finished renovating.
(Unlocks cage door. Holds it open for ‘Man’).
Man
Oh. Don’t mention it. It’s all for a good cause.
(Cheerfully walks into cage. Looks around).
Damn! This is just like the time my boss got thrown in jail at the charity raffle.
It cost us forty dollars to get him out...took our sweet time about it too.
SOUND CUE: (Grinding, rumbling machine noise. Screams of human beings are faintly audible.)
Man
What’s that?
Assistant A
Oh. That’s our out-processing facility. We’ll show it to you later, after you’ve
completed our questionnaire.
Man
Sounds like it needs some engine work.
Assistant A
Sir...We ask that you not speak to anyone while you are here.
We wouldn’t want you to pick up any contaminated
opinions.
Man
(Looks at other occupants)
What do you mean, ‘contaminated’?
Assistant A
Oh. We just mean opinions that aren’t properly your own. After all,
Max LeCompte, our Pollster, is only interested in your opinion.
Not anybody else’s.
Man
I wouldn’t steal someone’s opinion.
Assistant A
Oh we know that sir. But someone might steal yours.
So we ask everybody to keep their opinions to themselves.
Man
I imagine so. (Looks around cage. Looks at other occupants.)
Assistant A
(Locks cage. Exits)
Boy
That’s a garbage disposal, or a trash compactor, or something like that.
Man
What is?
Boy
That noise you hear Mister. And that’s where they’re gonna put us.
They’re gonna grind us all up.
Lady
Stop being so negative!
Do like the man said. Keep your opinions to yourself.
Boy
Tell him what you had to eat last night lady.
Lady
(Indignant. Ignores ‘Boy’. Continues knitting.)
Man
Last night? Why I thought we’d only be here for a couple
of hours.
Lady
They’re running a little behind schedule right now.
Mr. LeCompte is such a busy man. He has to sample
thousands of opinions every day.
Boy
Go on lady. Tell him what you had to eat last night.
(Waits)
All right then, I’ll tell him.
They feed you dog food in here, Mister.
Lady
(Upset)
They just didn’t have anything else to feed us.
Boy
No lady. We’re locked up in a cage.
They feed us dog food.
And pretty soon, they’re going to grind us up
in that thing, whatever it is.
And then we’ll end up as dog food.
I don’t know what they do with us when they’re finished.
Man
See! You don’t even know what you’re talking about.
You’re one of those kind that are always complaining about something.
Whine! Whine! Whine! All day long.
That’s all your kind ever does!
(Points accusing finger at ‘Boy’).
There’s just no pleasing people like you!
Lady
(Nods in satisfaction).
Boy
(Slumps down in cage again. Holds head in his hands.)
Man
(Pulls out yo yo. Begins performing some tricks.)
SOUND CUE
(The machine noise starts again. Human screams are faintly audible).
Assistant A (Enters)
I have good news for you. We’ve cleared up some of the backlog.
We should have you all questioned and debriefed in no time.
(Exits)
Boy
Look, I’m sorry for being so...negative. OK?
I sometimes think I understand things better than other people.
But I guess I don’t...Because I always manage to come out on the
losing end.
I’ve always been the nail that sticks up. And guess what - I always
get hammered. Now I’m bent. I’m tired. And I just want to be like you.
I want to ‘be able to ‘believe’ without thinking. That’s best. Isn’t it?
(Slumps down again. Holds head in hands)
Man
I’m glad you finally came to your senses boy.
Repeat after me.
“I’m not in a cage. This is just a waiting room.’
Boy
(Repeats)
Man
They don’t feed us dog food in here.
It may look like dog food. It may taste like dog food.
But it’s really a nutritious meal, that gives me all the
Vitamins and minerals our bodies require.
Boy
(Repeats. But gags a little on the words ‘dog food’.)
Man
And that’s not a garbage disposal out there...or whatever
You said it was. It’s really just part of the out-processing facility.
Boy
(Repeats, tries to believe each word.)
Lady
(Still knitting. Smiling quietly and triumphantly)
Amen!
Man
(Walks over and pats boy on the shoulders)
Congratulations, son.
I’m proud of you. It’‘s swell to see a young person grow up,
right before our eyes!
Here, let me show you some yo yo tricks.
(Man begins doing yo yo tricks. Boy doesn’t watch.)
Assistants A & B
(Enter. Unlock cage. They lead boy and lady away.)
Boy & Lady
(Exit. Heads lowered. Like prisoners.)
Man
(Alone in cage. Paces around, practicing yo yo tricks.)
THE END.
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• Born: Wichita Falls, Texas - 1952
• Raised: Denver, California, Kansas
• Home: New Orleans
• Occupation: Immigration Lawyer
• Edu: Troy State U., Univ. of Alabama Law School
• Writing - 6 plays:
"The Pollster" (Semi-finalist, Southern Playwright's Competition 1993),
"The Ghost of Jean Paul Sartre Visits an Alabama Convenience Store" (1994);
"The Focus Group" (Performed 1994 Dramarama Festival New Orleans),
"A Man of His Times" (Performed, 1995 Dramarama Festival, New Orleans),
"The Hat", performed 1998 Freeport McMoran Theatre, New Orleans Contemporary Arts Center;
"Double Espresso"; Staged Reading scheduled for October 1999 at C.A.C.
Numerous Musical Compositions, including "The Fantomas Waltz" and "HOY!", composed for film: "F", Clementine Productions, Hollywood California, Howard A. Rodman Writer/Director, starring Terrence Stamp, Produced by Laurie Parker. The Fantomas.Org/Pont Mirabeau Station @ MP3.COM
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